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Panic at the Mall

Science pop quiz:


Why do straight men drool over women’s jugs?

A. They like round, soft things (such as doughnuts)

B. They like holding round things in their hands (such as basketballs, footballs, etc.)

C. Boobs indicate a woman is capable of feeding a man's offspring


If you guessed C, you win!

The biology and sexuality of boobs are, in fact, related to each other.


But remember, their biological function precedes their sex symbol status.

Don’t let our culture’s misplaced obsession with ta-tas redefine them.

They are for feeding babies.

Any other definition is secondary to this.


And hey, the government backs that thing up, too.


Why do some of us squirm like a baby with a full diaper when we see a baby breastfeeding?

That's a good question.

Maybe we're only OK with boob flesh when it's "expected" - lingerie ads, the Tilted Kilt, celebrity red carpet events. We know it's coming, so we're not really that shocked when it appears.


Breastfeeding, on the other hand, is totally unannounced, unpredictable, and kind of like stumbling upon two teenagers making out in a hallway. It's not wrong. It's just unexpected. And some of us don't know how to react graciously when taken by surprise.


I get that - really I do, I absolutely hate surprises. But that doesn't mean it's wrong. So the best advice I can give is just blush, cough nervously, and shuffle awkwardly away. No one will blame you. And it sure beats making a scene that legally, you can't win.

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